I am obsessed with this blond. I see her everywhere. At the bars. At the coffee shops. She has friends she's with all the time. They're blond too. Some of them. But their haircuts aren't as good as hers. Her haircut looks expensive. Sliced blade straight. Just above her shoulders. It swings a bit when she turns.
    I stare at her. In the bars and in the coffee shops. But we've never spoken. Only made eyes. Only caught glances. I sit close to her and watch her biceps curl in sleeveless green sequined tops. I know she sees me.
    She drives a fancy car. I think. She wears lacy under things that hold her just right. I bet. She has sparkly skin. Tight. Moist. She smells like summer gardens. She's a really good whistler. She likes to play Blackjack. She has no pets. She runs every morning. I imagine.
    I decide the next time I see her I will speak up. I will say to her, "I've been watching you. I've been waiting for an opportunity to tell you so." I will say to her, "Can I buy you another cup?" or "Will you come back to my place tonight?"
    She answers, "Yes."
    And I'll take her hand and lead her out of the room, away from the bar. I'll call her boss at quarter to nine and say, "Sir, she is just not available today." I'll take her. We will go. We'll ditch friends. We'll flake on plans. We will disappear.
     We find a quiet corner. An empty space. For just us. We take off our shoes. We be shy. We be awkward and fidgety.
     And then we grab. We grab at the bottoms of one another's shirts and pull our bodies closer. We commit. We relax. We embrace. We tongue and kiss.
     We strip. Each other's. Bodies. Bare.
     We rub and arch. We stretch and pull back. We ache and moan. We force and suffer. We pull and lean. We go hard. We touch soft.
     We take deep breaths.
     We move and shift. We plunge and pull back. We giggle. We smile. We kiss again. We can't believe we're this easy. Such sluts.
     She pushes her hair back. She buttons back up her shirt and will say she has to go. She is late for work. Her friends are worried. Her phone vibrates somewhere.
     I'll stand up. I'll say, "Okay."
    We kiss on the cheek. Goodbye. She leaves. Gets back into her fancy car. She drives away.

    "Oh, sorry...I didn't realize you were...busy...sorry," Asha stirred at the door.
    I zipped up my pants. "I'm finished. It's okay."
    "Still, I don't mean to interrupt," she continued. "I just wanted to thank you for all your help with the Mayor and everything. Pia's worked out a plan, so it’s good and I'm headed back to Chicago and out of your way."
    "You're not in my way."
    "I am."
    "No, how could you possibly be in my way? There's nothing to be in the way of... You've taken care of all of that."
    "Don't get pissy."
    I rolled my eyes. "Okay...well, thanks for stopping by. I'll see you."
    Asha turned to exit.
    "So you're just gonna leave?!?" I yelled at the back of her head.
    "What is it that you want from me?" she asked, stepping back through the door. "You want me to go, you want me to stay. You tell me I'm not in your way, but you roll your eyes every time you look at me."
    I rolled my eyes. "I don't roll my eyes at you."
    "You do! You just did!"
    "Whatever..."
    "Now it’s 'whatever'? Use your words, Pico,"she squinted and clenched her fist.
    "Yes, it’s 'whatever'! 'Whatever' because no matter what I say or what I do, you've already decided what the outcome will be! You swoop into town, handle your business, and keep it moving regardless of what I think or how I feel! Despite this power you think you hold, I'm not just available to you, for you, whenever, however, whatever you want!"
    Asha took a step toward me. "But that's what I pay you for...," she said.
    "Fuck off. I want you to leave!"
    She took another step forward.
    "Did you hear what I said? I want you to go, right now! Get out!"
    She sprinted toward me, moving quick and cat-like. She got right to the front of my face. She grabbed my cheeks and chin in one hand and pulled so that we were nose to nose. She grabbed the back of my head with her other hand to secure her grip. 
    I let my head fall limp into her hands, or else I felt my neck would snap. I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath. 
    She held tightly. "Look at me," she talked slowly and with intention. 
    I forced my eyelids open and looked at her carefully.
    "I want you to listen to this. And listen well. You will do what I want, when I want, whatever I want until I tell you otherwise. Do you understand?"
    I rolled my eyes trying to hold back tears. 
    She squeezed my cheeks tighter and put her ear to my lips. "I didn't hear you," she said.
    "Yes," I pushed out and with it came a flood of snot and salty wet. 
    "Yes, what?"
    "Yes...Asha...I understand."
    She let me go. I fell to the floor, sobbing. She got back to the door and yanked it open. "I don't want to have to talk about this again," she spoke over her shoulder at me. The door slammed shut behind her.

    After some forty minutes of losing it, getting it together and losing it again all over the floor of my apartment, I finally made it outside and down the street to a heart-warming cup of coffee. Still in shock and upset, I didn't participate in the usual camaraderie with Shell and Lindsey behind the counter when I ordered. I didn't sit in my usual seat and make silly faces at the babies near me. I just sipped and slurped and read a boring newspaper left behind by the person who sat in the same random space before me.  
    Someone reached for my hand as it hovered over my cup playing in its steam. I pulled it back and shivered thinking Asha had found me and was ready for a more public round two. 
    "I apologize. I just wanted to get your attention," she said.
    I looked up from the paper. It was the blond.
    "It’s just that I see you everywhere," she said. "To be honest, I'm kinda obsessed with you and I've been waiting for the right time to say 'hi', it’s just that I'm always with my friends and they tease me about it and I get nervous and I chicken out. But I'm all alone today, so I'm saying 'hi'. So hi! Hello."
    I stared back in wide-eyed wonder. 
    "Okay, well, thanks for indulging me. I can see you’re busy. Nice to meet you," she started to walk away, but I reached back for her hand.
    "No. Sit here with me."
    "Are you sure? I don't want to intrude."
    "Yes, yes, yes. Sit."
    She pulled up a chair. We sat in silence for a long while until finally it occurred to me that here we were, finally, together and alone. 
    "I'm sorry," I said. "I was thinking just today of all the things I would say to you the next time I saw you and now I can't remember any of them."
    "You were?"
    "I was. And then I got distracted...a work thing...Wait! Do you want another cup? That's what I was going to say...Do you want another cup of coffee?"
    "I shouldn't. I've had like 5 already, but do you want me to call your work for you? Sometimes it helps to have people call in for you and lie about why you can't be there. I would do that."
    "That's sweet."
    "Not a problem. What's the number?"
    "Really? You want to call, really?"
    "Yes, what's the number?"
    "419.746.4618."
    I watched as she dialed and as she put the phone up to her ear to listen.
    "I'm being sent to voicemail. I'll leave a message...Hi! This is a friend of…." She covered up the one end of the phone and said to me, "What's your name?"
    "Pico."
    She smiled and whispered, "Hi, Pico!" And then continued into the phone, "This is a friend of Pico's and I was calling to let you know that Pico is just not available today.... Maybe not ever.... But definitely not today. Thanks, Bye." She hung up. "Done and done," she said.