Rinat, 30, had €8,800 in savings when she met her boyfriend. They thought about money very differently and after the crash, almost all of her savings were gone.
“My ex-boyfriend and I didn’t really manage our finances. The money in our joint account always went at the end of the month. It’s mainly spent on fun stuff, fancy vacations, and lots of groceries. Those are good for the time, of course, but because we couldn’t save Anything, I was increasingly disturbed by our spending pattern.”
Did you tell him that?
“I tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but he wasn’t open to it. He wanted to do as many fun things as possible and when the money in the checking account ran out, we had to pull something out of the savings account. He didn’t think cutting back was necessary, because no “There is still enough savings, isn’t it? We regularly had heated discussions about it. I was dissatisfied but I couldn’t change anything.”
But it was your money, right?
“Yes, but I was clearly not strong enough in my shoes to act accordingly.”
I’m now divorced. What are the financial consequences of the relationship for you in the end?
“I got into that relationship with this € 8,800 savings. When we broke up, it was all gone. I continued to live in our rented house myself, but it was not possible to buy a new bed. Nor does the bank. For the first five weeks of my solo existence, I sat on a dining room chair watching TV. I don’t have a euro left to buy anything. Because my ex had taken some of our stuff, I was left with a half empty house. I found that very difficult
How did you get out of it financially?
“During my relationship, I opened a savings deposit in a bank. This is a savings account from which you simply cannot withdraw money within a pre-agreed period. In return, you get a somewhat higher interest rate than the interest on a regular savings account. I kept the bill a secret from my boyfriend. Every month I put 70 euros, so I can make a little savings.
How did it feel when you had to keep a secret?
This bill was an emergency measure. I couldn’t really talk to my friend about money. We always quarrel. So I tried to build a kind of safety net for myself in this way. I was ashamed, but I also didn’t like keeping this a secret.”
What is the total amount you put into this account?
“About 1,400 euros. During the lockdown I stayed home for two months. Then you clean the house. I’ve sold everything of value on Marktplaats. I earned more than 800 euros from this. I also put that money into this savings account.”
Was this money released after your relationship?
“Yeah luckily. That gave me some fresh air, financially speaking. I was able to buy something for the house again. But I also knew: I have to work for myself. You made it happen yourself. You filled Nippod Buffer Calculator in. This buffer calculator advises me to save €8,000. This seems like a good and achievable goal to me. I work as an outpatient caregiver and receive approximately €2,300 per month into my account. Starting this month, I will save 666 euros per month. I also invest 100 euros per month, hoping to get a good amount of this in the future. Since I don’t have a well-filled savings account yet, I’m going to leave it with that amount. Once I increase my savings account, I want to invest more money.”
Do you also now have a better idea of your income and expenses?
“Yes, I also gave an overview of all my incomes and expenses after the breakup. I converted the joint account I had with my ex-boyfriend into an account with a living allowance for myself. I deposit money there at three fixed moments of the month, and I have to be content with that.” I keep the money I have left. I also have different packages for this.”
How does it feel when you are able to figure all of this out for yourself?
“Delicious. I notice that it is much easier to spend less money. I now make choices and decisions on my own and pay more attention to them. I also notice that I settle for less. Consider buying second-hand.”
What wise lesson have you learned in recent years?
“It’s important to talk about money together. Before you move in together, discuss how you’ll handle finances. This also includes future desires and personal goals, such as buying a home, savings goals, or wanting to work full time yes or no. It’s really hard to get a partner.” He really thinks a whole different way about it to fit your vision on money. It causes tension, friction, and arguments. I don’t want that anymore. When I get into a new relationship, I approach this in a completely different way. I’d like to go together on the road to achieving financial goals. That sounds cool “.
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