What is autobiographical listening? – Nderwirt 24

Listening to an autobiography means that you are listening and responding from a unique frame of reference. It is an automatic human response that organizes information by relating it directly to your own experiences. There is not much room for the other.
Everyone has a personal view of the world and an idea of ​​the truth. This forms your frame of reference. This arises over the years as a result of all the knowledge, experiences, interpretations, standards, values ​​and expectations you have accumulated.

Hearing a resume is an automatic complement to the first impulse that comes to mind. Before you realize it, you have to align with that first impulse. How does something like this work? Does this also happen to you? Most likely yes. Sometimes you may recognize yourself in the person who takes on someone else’s story. In another conversation, you might identify yourself as someone who has not been given space.
I’ll give you two examples.

You just got back from vacation and a colleague asked you during break how was your vacation and where you were. You answer enthusiastically that you have just returned from Cyprus. This fellow seems to know the island as well. He quickly takes over the conversation from you. He might even interrupt you and you weren’t ready with your answer. Shows no interest in your travel experiences. Somewhat disappointed when you return to your workplace.

Another example. She asks someone you know is not feeling well, how is he doing. You know from your own experience that it is not good for life to have other plans. But luckily you feel better again.
You directly relate the questions you ask her and all your other reactions that resulted from that time when you were going through hard times. You are showering the other person with all kinds of well-meaning, but unsolicited, advice. The other withdraws more and more and feels unheard and incomprehensible.

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If you relate everything that is said to yourself and if you relate this directly to your own experiences, then you are primarily interested in yourself. Then there is no place for another. There is no real interest in other people’s stories. Your questions may be investigative, but the goal is to compare the answers to your frame of reference. Not hearing or learning anything new. A characteristic of the other person’s feeling in such conversations is that they do not feel heard or seen, and certainly not at all understood.

Listening to resume happens automatically
As a result, it is often not noticeable. This is also evident in the lessons of mindfulness and communication. It’s those moments when you spontaneously blast out comments like, “Oh yeah, I know that. Do you know what you did next? You probably didn’t mean to take over the conversation at all. You’re not aware of any harm and you’re not at all aware that you’re limiting the other person in their story.”

It could be different too!
Vigilance can help with this. The contrast to autobiographical listening is emotional listening. Then you give way to the other person and there is an interest in the story and experience. Without losing yourself completely, you can pay attention to your own point of view and that of someone else.
Unlike autobiographical listening, empathic listening usually does not happen on its own. This requires conscious action. Admitting reminds you not to keep up with this mechanism. And even when you find yourself fully taking on the role of listener on your resume, you can still decide to do things differently. Then you give space and ask the other person how it was for them, for example.

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How do you recognize a person who listens with empathy?
There is real interest and interest in you and your story. Feel the space available to you. I let each other finish. The questions are engaging and help you tell your story about what happened and how you went through it.
An empathetic listener wants to understand you. Asks questions and listens intently to hear and feel what you have to say. This is very different from listening for a response. Some people are asking for my help for this.

– Lisette –

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In the “Vigilance” section, Lisette Boyle writes about her work in practice “You’re All Right.” She offers advice on how to incorporate mindfulness into everyday life. Lisette is a certified coach/counsellor and mindfulness-based cognitive therapist/coach and is affiliated with the professional organization Nupko† In addition to coaching (online), they provide coaching and workshops in Mindfulness, Communication, and Intuitive Writing. It operates from different locations. In her work incorporate nature, wherever possible. Nosy? Check the website www.youbentoke.nl as well as on Facebook social networking siteLinkedIn as well as on Instagram† You can also find her profile at coach finder, initiative of the Journal of Psychology. If you have a question or comment, send me an email.

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